I Used to Tell Him Everything
Dear Friends & Family,
Up until a few weeks ago Curt & I shared everything. There was no topic off limits. I guess that is why we are so close, we have nothing to hide so it is easy being open and honest. A few weeks ago I received a text that one of Curt’s friend’s dad passed away. Curt grew up around the corner from his friend Ray and had fond memories of his Dad. When I received the text, we were in Las Vegas getting ready for the Garth Brooks concert. A few minutes earlier Curt had fallen while he was trying to take his shoes off. I saw it happening and tried to stop him from falling, but there was nothing I could do. He hit the floor hard, barely missing the wheelchair and coffee table. I felt so helpless and sad for him. The kids were in the room next door and came running when they heard the thud. We all went from super excited about the room, the view and the concert to super sad seeing him there on the floor. Anyways, back to the text I received. Just as I was about to tell Curt that Ray’s Dad passed away, something came over me, I paused and decided he didn’t need any bad news or pain at that moment. I didn’t tell him. We continued getting ready, enjoyed a nice dinner, the concert and then explored the hotel and a little bit of Vegas. We went to bed with the curtains open showing us the awesome lights of Vegas. I really wanted to tell Curt, but didn’t want to ruin the moment and the fun we were having. I fell asleep wondering when I would tell him.
The next day we were about to have breakfast when Curt received a phone call from his friend Ray telling him about his Dad. I acted like it was new news to me. I was hurting inside knowing that I withheld information from him and now I was lying about knowing about it. This secretive stuff was brand new territory for me and was eating me up inside.
Since that incident I have learned to hold back from telling him a lot of things. He seems so fragile both physically and emotionally. I feel like I need to protect him. I need to filter things for him and just give him the highlights. This is a whole new ballgame for me. To go from telling him everything.....to deciding what he needs and doesn’t need to know. It is different and takes work. I am not even sure it is the right thing to do. But really....does he really need to know every detail? Paul & I shopped for days for a mini van for him and only brought him into the decision making process once we had narrowed it down to the top two. He knows nothing of the different handicap conversion companies or the financing details. When I come home from work he doesn’t know how much of my day was spent making his appointments, researching wheelchairs or dealing with Medicare. At this point, he doesn’t need to know boring details, he needs to be happy and have his needs met. I will do whatever I can to make his life comfortable and fun to the end. Even if that means not telling him everything.
We have had a busy couple of weeks full of friends, dinners and family get-togethers. Curt is enjoying his days lunching with friends or hanging out by the pool with the kids. We are looking forward to spending this weekend at Lake Nacimiento! We are thankful for every one's calls, cards, dinners and encouragement. We are beginning to need that more than ever as this disease is truly impacting our normal life.
Cindy, Curt, Clarissa, Cayden & Corbin