It's All About Friends

Dear Friends & Family,

Friends never stop to think ‘what’s in it for me?’ or ‘it’s way too far’. They just show up with their big old hearts, you find out who your friends are. These are words from Tracy Lawrence’s song, Find Out Who Your Friends Are. This weekend many, many friends and family members honored us with their presence at Curt’s 44th Birthday Party. It was emotionally overwhelming (yet exciting) to see so many people gathered together in one room in honor of Curt.

The festivities began on Thursday with our cousins from Idaho and Sacramento, along with Curt’s brother, mom and my parents joining us for a bar-b-que dinner of steak, chicken and sausage. Friday afternoon we all went to Seal Beach and enjoyed the warm sun as we walked to Ruby’s on the pier for lunch. The weather was beautiful and Catalina Island looked so clear and seemed close enough to swim to. Friday night everyone pitched in and made a delicious Mexican dinner as Curt & I picked up our friends from Texas at the airport. We watched Corbin’s first flag football game and then went home to a house full of family and food. Thanks cousins, it was delicious!

The birthday party Saturday night was awesome! Thank you to everyone who helped, we couldn’t have done it without you. It was truly an event to remember. Although it was tough for Curt to see so many people who cared about him, by the end of the party he was relaxed and having fun. He woke up Sunday, excited about the people and events at the party. He is still talking about how fun it was!

We spent Sunday with lots of family at our house, just hanging around and sharing stories. Sunday evening we took Mike & Melissa and Anna Kate (from Texas) to the beach to take photos. Although it was windy and cold, we got some great pictures right as the sun was setting!

Today we drove to Palm Springs to listen to a doctor/scientist talk about stem cell treatments. Although we didn’t learn much, we had a nice day. After the speech we found a mountain trail and did a really, really short hike (Curt has a hard time walking down hills). The weather was warm with a slight breeze. There was the most amazing hummingbird circling around us as we stood half way up the mountain. It was black with a bright red chest, it was strikingly beautiful. I think it knew we were admiring it because it just kept hanging around us. We met a friend for dinner at a French Restaurant and Curt had escargot (he loves it), and we all shared a sampler of some really great desserts. It was a great day!

Now that the party is over (which was occupying a lot of my time), we are going to work on our trust, taxes and getting formal portraits of Curt & the kids, & me. I pray the trust preparation and portraits will not be too emotionally overwhelming for Curt. I thank God for the gift of time to get all this done.

As you can probably tell, this has been a great week. Like I said, we do great when we are busy with friends and family. Although we are physically tired, our spirits are good and happy! We are thankful for you and your prayers.

Love,

Cindy, Curt, Clarissa, Cayden & Corbin

The Gym

Dear Family & Friends,

There I was in a little room off the main gym, listening to Anni pray for Curt & our family in her native Korean language. The room was small, just enough space for a massage table and a few chairs at the end of the table. There was a small lamp in the corner which gave off a warm glow. The floors, walls and ceiling were all made of natural wood, which gave the feeling of being in a cabin. It felt like I was somewhere else, not at my regular gym in Lakewood, California. Anni, Sam, another woman (I forgot her name), and I sat in a circle on plastic chairs and Anni on a wooden bench, the type you see on a front porch.

Although I had been attending this gym for over a year sporadically, since January, I had been visiting more often. It helps me deal with our situation. This particular week I had been there 3 days in a row. Julie, the gym manager, had been noticing a difference in my behavior and took me aside to ask me what was going on. I had previously vowed I would not say anything about Curt at the gym. I liked the anonymity of being "just Cindy". Nobody knew my story or what my family was facing. There were no stares or whispers or people that didn't know what to say. There was no pity or sadness. I liked it like that, it made me feel healthy and alive. The gym was my escape, and I needed an escape.

Anyways, Julie began asking questions. Me being the honest, open book person that I am, it all came out. The story of Curt & Cindy, the fairy tale life we have and the sad ending that is about to occur. Julie offered support in her sweet, kind way. She invited me to a Saturday prayer group and Sunday church service that they held at the gym after closing time. She said it was a Christian service spoken in Korean but translated into English. I thanked her for the offer and left.

Two days later when I returned to work out on a Saturday, I had forgotten about the prayer service. After my workout, Julie introduced me to Anni, who's son Jun owned the gym. She asked me into this little room, where my story began.

Anni was a woman of about 50 years old with the most beautiful skin. Her casual clothes were simple yet stylish. Her eyes omitted love and concern and her voice was gentle yet confident. Once inside the room she asked me about Curt, his condition, and our family. She asked if she could pray with me. She prayed in Korean, while Sam translated. When she was finished, she opened her Holy Bible, which was Korean and shared stories of Abraham, Moses and Jesus. I hung on every word. Although I had heard the same stories many times, Anni spoke with passion and conviction. She was such a Godly woman. At the end of the stories, she prayed again. I know many people are praying for Curt, but I was pretty sure this was the first Korean prayer that had gone up to God. I knew that he was listening to Anni that day. God was with us in that room that day, I felt him. I felt he sent Anni to me. I felt stronger than any workout. I felt God.

Love,

Cindy, Curt, Clarissa, Cayden & Corbin

Surviving the Tough Days

Dear Friends & Family,

Be still and know that I am God.....I must have repeated that to myself over 1,000 times last Tuesday and Wednesday. I couldn't stop crying (except when the kids were around), couldn't breathe, had chest pains and couldn't eat. I just kept saying those words over and over, trying to gain control and breathe. Meanwhile, Curt was physically frustrated, sad and quiet. We had both hit an all time emotional low and we could not snap out of it. I guess you probably figured that out by my email last week. Thank you for the prayers and all the concern, we were doing much better by Wednesday night. Thank you Carolyn for the flowers, Lori for the "Breathe" candle, and Paul for getting the motorhome and trailer washed for Curt, he was stressing about how he was going to get that done. Thank you to those who sent prayers and for all the calls and cards. Thank you for checking on us, thank you for helping us get through those tough days.

The rest of the week went better. I had fun with my Friday Friends shopping and lunching in downtown Los Angeles. Curt spent time with his brother cleaning motorcycles and having lunch. Cayden celebrated his 15th Birthday with his friends at our house on Friday night. Sunday, we had lots of fun at our Super Bowl Party hosted by the Melanson's with over 40 friends! What a difference in our emotional state from Wednesday to Sunday. Talk about highs and lows. We really do best when we are busy and with friends. We thank God for each of you. You are all so special and help us in so many ways!

The kids are all doing well. They have been busy with school, sports and friends. Clarissa is playing volleyball and we will spend this weekend in Las Vegas watching her play Saturday, Sunday and Monday. Curt & I really enjoy watching her play and seeing her interact with her friends on the team. Cayden made the high school volleyball team and games will begin soon. Corbin is playing flag football on Friday nights. They all love to have friends over. It is normal to always have an extra person at our dinner table, which we love! We have not let Curt's illness be an excuse to limit their activities. Even though it is harder to go places, take them places and entertain friends, we are going to keep life as normal as possible as long as we can. We love our kids and our crazy life!

Thank you all for being part of our lives, for praying for us and our kids, and for just being there! We could not ask for more.......

Love,

Cindy, Curt, Clarissa, Cayden & Corbin

I Want More

Dear Friends & Family,

"I have all I ever wanted and I could not ask for more"......these are song lyrics by Edwin McCain. The song was popular a few years back. I liked it so much I bought the CD. Now when I listen to it I say in my head "ask for more...ask to have 'him/her' forever". What good is having all you ever wanted when it could be taken away from you tomorrow?

I thought Curt & I would be together forever. We have all we wanted in each other. We are happy, content, in love, spliced, unified, as one, etc. This last week has been really hard. I am going to miss my best friend so much. It hurts so badly. I am physically hurting constantly. I can't breathe. I want off this ride.

Curt has been having a hard time physically which is hurting him emotionally. His legs are just not working right. They don't move fast enough and his step is unsteady. He also struggles to speak. The words just don't come out right. His brain is good, he knows what he wants to do and say, but his body won't perform. This is very frustrating for him. He has been very emotional the last few days.

We spent today together to try and cheer each other up. We had breakfast in Sunset Beach and enjoyed a movie this afternoon. Although we love our time together, it seems there is a black cloud above us. It is just hanging over our heads and we can't make it go away.

I apologize this is not a very uplifting or hopeful update, but this is where we are right now.

Thanks for being our friends, please pray for some hope and happiness for us.

Love,

Cindy, Curt, Clarissa, Cayden & Corbin


"I Could Not Ask For More"
by Edwin McCain

Lying here with you
Listening to the rain
Smiling just to see the smile upon your face
These are the moments I thank God that I’m alive
These are the moments I’ll remember all my life
I found all I’ve waited for
And I could not ask for more
Looking in your eyes
Seeing all I need
Everything you are is everything to me
These are the moments
I know heaven must exist
These are the moments I know all I need is this
I have all I’ve waited for
And I could not ask for more

I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
Every prayer has been answered
Every dream I have’s come true
And right here in this moment is right were I’m meant to be
Here with you here with me

These are the moments I thank God that I’m alive
These are the moments I’ll remember all my life
I’ve got all I’ve waited for
And I could not ask for more

I could not ask for more than this time together
I could not ask for more than this time with you
Every prayer has been answered
Every dream I have’s come true
And right here in this moment is right where I’m meant to be
Here with you here with me

I could not ask for more than the love you give me ‘cause it’s all I’ve
waiting for
And I could not ask for more
I could not ask for more