Fear of Falling

Dear Friends & Family,

I was 21 years old when 18 month old Baby Jessica fell 22 feet down an 8 inch wide abandoned well and spent two and a half days trapped beneath the surface of the earth. Like so many people, I too, was captivated by the rescue efforts and race against time. While hundreds of rescuers and well wishers gathered above ground planning, praying, crying and hoping; Baby Jessica remained below ground, alone, singing Winnie The Pooh songs.

Forced to face my fear of the unavoidable
steel grates in Chicago.

Maybe that is when my fear of falling began. In most cases I am a calm and reasonable person and allow my children (and Curt) plenty of freedom to roam. But I become “psycho-mom” whenever we are near a cliff, a high balcony, a rooftop, the top of a waterfall, and most of all when we are near those see-thru steel grates in the city that cover drainage pipes throughout parking lots and sidewalks (see photo). I freak out if anyone in my family nears any of the above. I don’t want them to fall and be swallowed by the earth. Mostly, I don’t want to have to jump in after them to save them.

Just this month a Texas man fell into a 30 foot well while out for a walk. He was found two days later, with multiple snake bites, barely alive. You gotta believe I shared this story with my family. “See, I am not kidding, you guys have to be careful out there,” I warned. They laughed and rolled their eyes at me. When Curt was about 11 years old, he jumped into a man-hole (a drain pipe beneath the ground) at Tordondo Little League Field. He was alone and no one knew where he was. After he jumped in he realized there was no way out, no stairs and no sides on the vertical pipe. He was deep beneath the ground and spent hours gathering leaves, sticks and debris from the horizontal part of the pipe which led miles to the ocean, in order to make a pile high enough to help him reach the opening of the pipe. He said he was never afraid, he just remained calm and did what needed to be done to get out.

As the ALS in Curt’s body progresses, my fear of falling gets stronger. I wish I had the strength to remain calm. Instead, I feel like if we keep moving we won’t fall. I feel that if we were to fall, we would never have the strength to get back up. I tell myself, don’t give in to the disease, don’t acknowledge it, don’t accept it, don’t slow down. Go, go, go. Run from the thoughts of what is happening to Curt, stay away from the edge of dark emotions trying to pull us down, keep away from the fear of raising a family alone, watch out for the hole that is right in front of us, crumbling at our feet, trying to sink us all into hopelessness.

The Lord is my strength and my song; he is my salvation. He is my God, and I will praise him.
Exodus 15:2

Please pray for our emotional and physical connection as communication is diminishing between us. Also, a little rest would be nice.

Love,
Cindy, Curt, Clarissa, Cayden & Corbin

The last two weeks have been super fun! We hosted our family reunion, caught up with friends and went to Lake Nacimiento for the weekend.

I think the highlight of our family reunion was surf lessons at Seal Beach!

Everyone enjoyed Disneyland!

 Hanging out by the pool was nice and relaxing!

Curt's favorite family tradition - homemade escargot. 
Steve-o stopped by for a visit!  

Ashley's (left) baby shower! Can't wait to see baby girl in October!

Lunch at Farmer's Market and Shopping at The Grove

Clarissa & Ashley at The Grove

Dinner at La Tavolata with Jim & Colleen....

...and cousins Dominic & Ethan, & Paige & Chloe

Corbin had a blast at the Dodger game with Larry. Thanks Larry!

On our way to Lake Nacimiento for the weekend we stopped by Lake Cachuma to visit with Curt's mom Barbara, brother Bill, sister in law Sharon, sister Beverly and nephew Jonathon.

Alan, Cayden & Beau

Lake Nacimeinto with Debbie, Jessica & Kelli!

Alan, Cayden, Corbin & Beau!

Larry, Mike, Curt & Mark!
Not pictured...My parents, Jim & Celia
Thanks for a great weekend!