Running
Dear Family & Friends,
I have been running for almost two years now. I began running in June of 2009 (when I suspected Curt had ALS) and have been running non-stop since then. I am running from the fact that my husband will never be able to open a car door for me, that we will not grow old together and that my children will not grow up with a father. I run constantly. I run from sadness. I run from the physical pain these heavy emotions cause me.
Today, I stopped for awhile. I stopped running. I sat in a waiting room while Curt got a massage on his stiff and atrophied muscles. I tried to breathe, I tried to remain calm, I tried to appreciate the gift of time; but all I could do was cry. I hate being still. I hate feeling these awful emotions. I want to run.
Curt is not sleeping well, therefore, I am not sleeping well. He can not change positions on his own, so we work on trying to get him comfortable most of the night. This disease sucks. It is inhumane and as I read recently "the most dreaded disease known to man."
We are living a nightmare.
Love,
Cindy, Curt, Clarissa, Cayden & Corbin
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2 comments:
Your honesty is so brave. We all wish we could take the pain away! The only thing to say is we love you all so very much and are aching to God for you. All my love, Mo
Your post is more than heart wrenching. To say we feel your pain would not be realistic.....how could we possibly know what the five of you are going through as this horrific disease progresses. All we can do is hold you in our prayers, hold you in our hearts and send our endless love. We know the worst has not yet arrived. And, yes, we still beg God for a miracle.
Know that you are loved by many and hope it helps in some small way.
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