Dear Family & Friends,
Below you will find photos of our seemingly happy life. I don’t know how much longer I can go on pretending that all is ok when it is not. How can I feel so alone while I am surrounded by so many people? I asked Curt the other day, “How do you feel when friends around you are talking, laughing, making plans for the future and living their lives?” He answered, “It doesn’t bother me, it only bothers me that I can’t help you more as far as prepping the house for parties and cleaning up after. It is hard for me to sit and see you work so hard.” His grace annoys me at this point in our conversation.....so I go on with more questions......I won’t go into those today, I want him to feel what I am feeling. He is the only one that “gets” me. We used to feel the same about everything; friendships, people, politics, religion, finances, etc. Since the disease, we are on different wavelengths; I am preparing for a life without him and he is preparing to die. If only I could be as gracious and dignified and accepting as he is.
At church on Sunday we learned that the Apostle Paul encourages Christians to live joyfully in every circumstance. This evening Curt and I were discussing “being joyful” in our circumstance. We agreed that we have lived joyfully for over two years with this disease and we are growing weary. Our hearts are heavy. We will pray for more grace and joy, please pray with us.
Love,
Cindy, Curt, Clarissa, Cayden & Corbin
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| Happy 12th Birthday Corbin! September 3, 2011 |
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| Corbin was "flocked" for his birthday! We woke up to flamingos all over our front yard. |
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| Corbin wanted a big brownie for his "cake" this year! |
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| Corbin had a great time celebrating with his friends. They swam and played on the giant obstacle course! |
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| The party continued into the evening. After his friends left, it was time for teenagers and adults to join in the festivities. |
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| Nathan, Jacob, Alec, & Aiden |
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| Staying warm by the fire. Barbara, Joyce, Kelli, Lisa, Jaime, Carolyn & Bill |
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| Jacob, Connor, Clarissa, Emily & Megan Krystal, Zach, Jessica & Joey |
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| George & Denise & Curt! |
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| Steve-O, Janet, Ray & Nazila |
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| Cayden's First Day of School 8-31 Sorry for the mug shot looking photo! |
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| Corbin's First Day of School 9-6 In my morning rush, I didn't think to try and take a bit of a creative photo. Sorry for the mug shot also! |
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| Clarissa & Jessica on their way to their workout. They surprised their personal trainer in wacky 80's outfits! |
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| Dinner at Nelson's at Terranea in Palos Verdes With Jim, Colleen, Paige & Chloe 
Celebrating Larry's Birthday at Northwood's Inn
Happy Birthday Larry!
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1 comment:
Cindy,
You are going through probably the most trying experience of your life. You are watching your soul mate slowly die before your eyes.
It's OK to feel a full range of emotions, including an anger or resentment towards Curt at times. Maybe I'm horrible for saying that, but you are the one left to see this all unfold. You are the one to remain behind and redefine your family. You are the one that doesn't have to keep it all together...it's OK to feel what you feel. We won't think less of you because of it. I tell Julie and the kids that the entire Ziemke family get a free pass...and I think that God views it that way too. You get to say or do what you want, call when you want, look how you want, feel what you want, etc, etc.
Sure, you have to continue with life...running a business and serving the needs of your kids and Curt. That much is true, but it doesn't mean you have to carry a smile around all the time, or pretend that life is great. Let it be whatever it is going to be...feel angry, or sad, or frustrated. This is literally Hell on earth for you guys.
I love that Morrie Schwartz of "Tuesdays with Morrie" said how he would get up in the morning and mourn his disease, mourn for the loss, and allow his fear to run it's course....because then once it has in some weird way it loses it's grip on you. You can fully feel the anger, feel the fear, feel the resentment, then willfully choose to not dwell on it. Up until that point those unfelt emotions have their grip. I think Morrie was a wise man. I actually try to live that way, allowing myself to feel what I feel. Remember, God gaves us emotions, not the Devil. They have a purpose and it's OK to feel them and express them.
As always, we continue to pray as a family for you guys every single night.
We love you all!
Steve for the Gallie Family
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